Rosmalinda Nurhubaini's. Literally a nous of my random thought.
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March 21, 2014

the moment you're ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happen. don't give up!

pagi ini kepikiran skripsi lagi, belum ngapa-ngapain sampe sekarang. yaa baru sekadar konsul pra penelitian buat April akhir nanti. nyiapin beberapa instrumen dan ngerombak beberapa part proposal juga untuk izin penelitian. jujur sebenernya saya cukup keteteran di semester 8 ini, PPL dan skripsi yang dilakukan bersamaan bukan hal yang mudah. belum lagi saya ambil PPL di tempat-yang-tidak-boleh-disebut-namanya (you know what i mean lah) yang benar-benar harus serius dan sungguh-sungguh. makanya saya berniat ambil skripsi yang biasa aja. toh ada pepatah "Skripsi gak berbanding lurus dengan dunia kerja, itu cuma syarat lulus aja. jadi ngapain bagus-bagus, yang penting bisa cepet lulus kan?" Trully agreed! oh gosh semester ini bukan hal gampang. gimana caranya saya bisa maksimal di kedua-duanya sedangkan saya juga manusia biasa yang butuh refreshing dan istirahat cukup. sempat berpikir padahal ini untuk lulus S1 doang tapi kok ya sebegininya banget hiks.

belum lagi godaan males dan dosen yang php. udah semangat buat bimbingan dosen gak ada atau udah sms minta ketemuan eh gak dibales. motivasi seketika turun. kenapa semesta gak mendukung saat kita lagi semangat untuk maju? yak cobaan namanya juga. sejauh mana kita gigih memperjuangkan kelulusan kita yang merupakan tanggung jawab dan amanah terbesar kita saat ini pada orangtua dan Allah swt. tapi please ini kadang bikin saya nangis kalau habis solat, ngobrol lama sama Allah meskipun kadang gak sopan karena ujung-ujungnya malah sambil tiduran di sajadah. gak berani cerita sama orangtua karena pasti orangtua bakal ngerelain supaya saya santai aja gak usah terlalu dipikirin nanti malah sakit (ortu pasti khawatir anaknya yang gampang sakit ini stres). padahal saya bertekad untuk wisuda maksimal Desember tahun ini. jadi so far saya tunjukin aja kalau saya seneng sama kegiatan saya di semester ini ke orangtua, ngajar murid-murid dsb.

emang bener apa kata kakak bilang, skripsi mah yang penting rajin dan jangan males pasti selesai. sedangkan sekarang? saya bukan malas tapi lebih memilih PPL terlebih dulu. jujur saya emang lebih memprioritaskan PPL karena saya pikir hal ini bakal jadi pengalaman berharga untuk pengalaman mengajar saya. selain itu waktu satu minggu bahkan banyak tersita untuk PPL. yang sesampainya di kosan cuma ingin istirahat karena capek jadinya draft bab 1,2,3 belum tersentuh sama sekali. ya Allah harus gimana ini? PPL sampai Juni kalau saya masih kaya gini gimana bisa wisuda tahun ini?

caaaaaaaaaaaaa wake up!
something great is worth to fight for

March 20, 2014

well yeah

Think lying is better than telling the (painful) truth?
Think again.

One day, people will know you lied. And it gives much more pain.
I sometimes feel, it so hurts to hear the truth. Some truth really is painful. But then I know how it feels. it's always much more painful to know the truth that someone lied to you.

this is originally repost from Rahmi's blog. well i feel in the same way

March 18, 2014

yesterday i called my mom and said Happy Birthday.
yes March, 17th is mommys day. mom who already reach her half of century hehe alhamdulillahirabbilalamin Allah trust and guide her till that age to accompanying our little family and gives the best service. thank you for being our everlasting and best mother, friend, and teacher. Allah always bless you, Mom!

i know my letter will not ever read by you but i'm sure that my prayer always goes to you wherever. stay healthy and happy, keep inspiring to slap me with your meaningfull words, and you know whenever i still need you to watch my back, to gives me such precious support system.

my love will not stop embracing you from i was born and still counting

March 16, 2014

a phase

and here i am in front of my computer. being alone in my rent room, with reproduction chapter of campbell book beside me but i prefer to turn my self for a while. just for relax. well here it is the start to tell something.

i am now doing teaching practice in 3 Senior High School. as i told you before, i am not a smartest person in my college who brave to take a chance being a teacher (wanna be -which they called 'guru PPL') in that school, i just try to fulfill my curiousity and challenge my self. i know enough about the school because i have several friends back then from that school. most of them now in ITB and i still adore them. they're who active, very smart, and open minded. even they have a high academic target which i can't even imaging but they still have much time to play around. balancing their adolescence. so i really curious about their high school. what kind of school their are studying? how is the atmosphere of study there? how about the teacher and the learning process? those questions are cycling in my brain and lead me to take a chance for teaching practice there.

now is my 2nd month since i worked in that school. being a stranger and an amateur teacher. and as i thought before, it not really that simple and easy. i have to be more focus to prepare the lesson both for the material and media, i have to read more books, and doing some brainstorming to have both a creative and meaningful learning. deadline wherever! everyweek! you know it's really took much time, even it's challenge my self and gave me a lot of precious experience but sometimes i feel tired and kinda bored. andddd it's about 3 month to go. again my thesis also need so much attention and energy to do, a month ago i just focusing to adapt in my teaching practice but now it can't be anymore. my research gonna begin in the end of April and all of the instruments should be done at least in the end of this month. if i want to finish my thesis in July, everything should be done based on that planning. aaaaaaaaa wanna cry and hug my mom! insecure feeling, guilty, anxious come often which really break my motivation, make me down. even if i know there is no easy way out for everything and Allah give me such examination to make me strong and learn more but sometimes i think i can't handle it. yet still, this is a phase of life and i have to take it although i said i don't want. maybe it just talking about time, to adapt well.

back to the teaching practice, literally i do love being an educator, meet the student with different characters that can cheer my self up even give me a meaningful learning of life. but it's really need my deeper responsibilty and sometimes decrease my confident to do it. teacher is a model they said, and it's not that easy to be a good model. but i still learn how to teach with soft heart and intelligence brain, how to behave nicely inside and outside, and how to dealing with the teaching stuff. as the common dream of pre-teacher, i really want to inspire my students with everything that i do. even it's not easy, i'll try my best to do it. insya Allah.

i need so much power and million support to go through this semester instead of complaining. no time to rest, no need to escape. somehow, its gonna be like this, whenever and wherever i am, this phase of life is gonna be my life (mau gak mau). so just keep going, keep positive thinking, everything is gonna be alright if we throw it back to Allah and just for Allah.

as my student said,
in school we learn the lessons before we take the test, in life we take the test before we learn the lesson. 
and i go for both of them xoxo
daily reminder that the boy you're in love with at 16 probably won't matter when you're 25

daily remindar that the math test you failed your freshman year of high school probably won't matter when you're graduating college

daily reminder that the problems you're facing today may seem like the worlds end, but they will not matter in a year

daily reminder that you're going to be okay

everything is going to be okay