want to read some stories?

Ya beginilah hidup di usia yang sudah lebih dari seperempat abad, saat menulis blog bukan lagi sebuah keharusan karena tuntutan pekerjaan lebih menjanjikan blah. Tahun lalu, hanya total 12 posts padahal sebegitu banyak ups and downs like you’re riding roller coaster . Beberapa momen masih sempat ditulis dengan begitu banyak kiasan puitis ala-ala Rupi Kaur, sisanya being skipped . 2018. A year full of struggle . To finish my postgraduate study , to let off my expectations for someone , to finish all Peach and Palette commissions in middle of human-being distractions, and of course to accept the result of my efforts, my prayers, yang kenyataannya berkali-kali merasa sudah semaksimal mungkin berusaha, berdoa tapi tetap gagal. Tahun 2018, setelah resmi menyelesaikan kuliah pascasarjana dan proyek buku yang penuh drama. Aku berniat untuk pindah dari Bandung. Segitu bosannya dengan Bandung, with my current job.  Berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk cari kerjaan wilayah Jabodetabe...

People said, just forget it, let it go. For some cases that (actually) deeply broke your heart into pieces. For everything doesn't matter in the future, that already goes wrong, please, don't waste your time. Again to another wise words: because someday it will all make sense however absurd or painful things are right now. It's just that simple. Oh. But we, as human. Just being a human, a vulnerable species. We cried. Being a miserable. Forget about those wise words. However to forget and to let it go, it's not that easy, right? So perhaps it's okay, you may cry... Dwell it. but again, if it doesn't even make a change, does it better to just let it go honey? "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you,  and perhaps you love a thing and it's bad for you.  And Allah knows, while you know not." (Q.S 2:216) To be in the feeling of being rejected, again and again. The feeling is just the same. It's so hard to just ...

So last night, me and my friend was having a serious yet heart-warming conversation. As usual, our long life-updates always begin when she replied to my IG story lol. And then the story of her begin as well. To get started, let me tell you a story how I met this very down-to-earth girl I ever known. Actually, the first time I met her just like a common story of how a campus-friend met. Since 2010. Even though we were in different class but luckily we could joined Mrs. Diana international class and chose the same PPL place! (Thank you Tha, for managing my ppl administration when I was sick back then, I believe it was not even an accidental. It was a fate that make us finally teamed up hehe). Since then, we were so close each other. For the similarity of interest in many things, we feel that we are in the same circle. I told her about my story, like almost everything, my family, my love life, my dream, my so boring skripsi life, the books I read, the song I like, and so did she....

Sejak follow Instagramnya kak @ratu_anandita dan melihat stories-nya, aku seperti mendapatkan tamparan. Betapa selama ini semua postingan dan stories-ku enggak bermanfaat. Tipe-tipe daily life yang sebenarnya sangat enggak penting untuk diketahui orang lain. Akhirnya sejak merasa tertampar itu, kuputuskan untuk sangat berhati-hati dalam membagikan sesuatu di media sosial. Beberapa kali, ku urungkan niat untuk membagi momen tertentu. Sesimpel aku udah enggak pernah lagi sharing makanan karena ku pikir kalau ada yang jadi ngidam gimana? Atau karena ku pikir postingan ini enggak akan ngaruh apa-apa. Makanya sejak itu, aku sangat jarang update mengenai kegiatanku, pergi kemana, dengan siapa, makan apa. Ya ku pikir, who’s care gitu? Untungnya memang dari dulu, aku bukan tipe yang suka membagikan semua momen kehidupanku, bahkan momen bersama keluarga atau pacar sekalipun! Aku pikir, ya momen itu biar aku saja yang tahu. Apalagi tentang keluarga yang menurutku sangat sangat privasi. Jadi sa...

Been in frustrated feeling for these past two months after d addy was hospitalized,  being rejected in my dream job,  broken hearted with someone while mommy with her "mau dikenalin sama yang 'ini' aja enggak?" more and more (padahal aku maunya sama dia) , uncertainty resign planning, and all anxiety feeling that could ruin my day like almost everyday ! Parah sih dua bulan ini berasa berat banget. Rasanya enggak karuan dan sedih terus. Ngajar enggak semangat, kepikiran sana sini, capek hati capek pikiran. Padahal solat dan ngaji jalan terus tapi mungkin emang enggak khusyuk. Terus mikir, waah ini ada yang enggak beres sama hidup yang sekarang nih . Ini kenapa. Ini harus gimana? Akhirnya berusaha nyari jawaban dan solusi sendiri. Tiap solat berusaha minta ke Allah supaya dikasih petunjuk. Sampai akhirnya suatu hari diajakin ikutan kajian muslimah sama temen kerja. Ngebelain pulang ke kosan lebih malam dari biasanya. Tapi bikin bahagia dan tenang banget. Kajian pertam...