A Heart-warming Conversation

So last night, me and my friend was having a serious yet heart-warming conversation. As usual, our long life-updates always begin when she replied to my IG story lol. And then the story of her begin as well.

To get started, let me tell you a story how I met this very down-to-earth girl I ever known. Actually, the first time I met her just like a common story of how a campus-friend met. Since 2010. Even though we were in different class but luckily we could joined Mrs. Diana international class and chose the same PPL place! (Thank you Tha, for managing my ppl administration when I was sick back then, I believe it was not even an accidental. It was a fate that make us finally teamed up hehe). Since then, we were so close each other. For the similarity of interest in many things, we feel that we are in the same circle. I told her about my story, like almost everything, my family, my love life, my dream, my so boring skripsi life, the books I read, the song I like, and so did she. 

Until someday, I knew she is having a relationship with a guy who in the end left her and married to another girl. At that time, my heart was dropping as well. I tried to hear her story, but decide to take a silent instead of fucking her ex-boyfriend because I know it will never bring her boyfriend comeback. Somehow it’s so hard I know. But the things surprised me, she never hate his ex-boyfriend. It was her who let him choosing his best friend (instead of choose her) to be his spouse. She said, "Kalau dia sama aku, dia gak akan bahagia. Dia sayangnya sama sahabatnya itu". Then, she was crying out loud after remembering so many things they spent together. But again that’s enough. Everything is  now finished. She should accepted His plan.

Years later, after graduated, we could only met at once. Then we are drowning to our own lives. Never meet again. But still we try to contact each other through social media. Till, i know she caught her butterfly again, she’s finally moving on to another man while it was my turn to have a very heartbreaking love story. Plot twisted. Haha how funny! It turned out that we are just a lady-in-the-making who shall pass a broken-hearted again and again. I took the pains. I tried to recover myself without telling others how it feels. Perhaps she didn’t know either. 

Few month later, after so long we were not being contacted. Finally, i know she’s getting married from her latest IG post. I asked her directly about her wedding plan literally tanpa basa-basi. Surprisingly, she is getting married with another man who asked her to be his wife only in three month after he said he want her. The funniest thing, actually they have knew each other as friend for such a long time! Subhanallah. I’m beyond speechless, happy at the same time. She is continuing her story, she texted me in the middle of silent night. Her replies just makes me more speechless about how magic the love is playing. We still don’t know about it until it comes to the right time with the right person. And we should believe, there will be Allah interfere in every path of our lives. We should have a faith that whatever happened in this life is based on His plan. Undoubtedly, He is the best planner ever. Never betray, never disappointed us. 

Soon after she finished her story, myself  begins to think. A quite deep thought comes. It's bubbling in my head and brings me into a conclusion: ada yang salah dengan formula ikhtiar pencarian jodoh selama ini. I keep seeking for partner of life, doing the wrong things over and over. Even though, I came up with “udah enggak mau pacaran lagi, gamau deket deket sama cowok yang gak jelas lagi.”, even with the disappointing and insecured feeling about “Nanti gimana kalau gagal lagi? Gimana kalau sakit hati lagi?”, even with all failed-expectation, I am still doing the wrong things related to the highlight “usaha nyari jodoh”: i keep my self expecting to another human. So actually I have so many heartbreaking story that i created by myself that turned myself into an overthinking and overrated person about how the relationship should be done. It totally suck.

In the middle of frustrating feeling to what should I do, my friend told me to give up with all human expectation with all the insecurities and just keep the faith to the one and only Allah SWT. The moment when she gave up to Allah, focused only to a better herself, then love comes unexpectedly, beautifully. 

“Akan ada fasenya cewek merasa malas cari jodoh. Capek dan kesel dengan semua kegagalan yang udah terjadi. Tapi pada saat aku kaya gitu, aku lepasin semua bebannya. Enggak pernah lagi mikirin jodoh. Aku fokus ikut ini itu. Sibukin diri… taunya Allah sendiri yang ngirim jodohnya. Allah mah Maha Baik. Tapi emang kita harus selesai dulu sama diri kita sendiri sebelum menerima diri lain jadi bagian kita. Kalau masih belum yakin, belum berdamai dengan diri sendiri, gak akan bisa.”

At the end of the conversation, she sent a long message for me and makes my heart melted. 

“Semangat ya Caaa. Bismillah. Aku yakin kamu dapat lelaki yang luar biasa juga. Karena aku tau kamu pun luar biasa. Tinggal semuanya diserahkan aja sama Allah. Udahlah kita mah santai aja. Biar Allah semua yang ngatur. Enak punya Tuhannya Allah mah. Gak pernah rugi. Maha Baik. You deserve better.”

Oh Tha. You are such an excellent for knowing my condition right now hehehe.

Thank you so much for those heartwarming messages. You know, i feel so lucky to know you, to have a very thoughtful and supportive person like you. 

Semoga aku bisa seyakin kamu. It should be.

So for the fragile heart, the future should not be like this anymore. My friend has proved it. When we accepted the mistakes we have, try to forgiving ourselves and let Allah arrange the rest, everything will comes. 

Selamat mencari untuk yang masih belum menemukan. Apapun itu. Jangan lupa, berdamai dulu dengan diri sendiri.

The most important,
Keep your faith only for Allah, no matter what, He is the best planner ever.