My butterfly flies

Friends of mine just texted me after they read my previous post (my so-not-kinda-23yo-woman'-post) 

"Ca...are you ok?" 

"Lo drama abis sih, Ca. Kata-katanya kaya dialog sinetron labil tau gak."

Smiled bitterly. I pretend to be okay. I told them that i could make everything goes so well, i feel so fine, nothing makes me swayed, and sure i'll move forward, run, and leave all behind. But huh, are you sure? Well actually i worry to myself too, i really sure that i'm not okey at all. Pathetic. I showed them that i'm okey but deeply in my heart wasn't going on that way. Those feeling of being safe and warm was replaced by a guilty feeling. Sad enough, is it?

But now, i'm in the middle of thinking about all of them. Let me make everything clear now. I know those kind of circumstance will happen to everyone life, including to my life. The circumstance of being dissapointed and so much regret after some of your worse experiences. Somehow in a melancholic thought, i blame myself for being an unconsistent person that i can't even hold this feeling out. But then, in the egde of my thought, i realize (after a long call duration and chatting with someone-i-believe including my mom) that what i've done just such a dumb, shallow in many ways. Yeah my life is too precious to think about him about love over over and over. 

As my bestfriend said, "Urusin hidupmu dulu sendiri lah," really slapped my face while i realized what kind of woman i would be if i still in this kind of super annoying feeling that i can't even bear for it. My friend was right. Forget about what' makes my life more complicated. Just focus to my self. I were alive before i met him, yes? 

Now i already know what i've to do. I let my butterfly flies and makes myself stop waiting so many things to be told for what and how. If something are meant to be that's going to find a way. I tried to, i try, and i'm trying to understand the situation, to understand myself better, and even to understand my butterfly. Knows that my butterfly is going to fly somewhere, it may never come back. But the things i know as well, if the butterfly really wants beside me, it will come back no matter what or... it changes with another butterfly who knows that there's something of mine that worth to have. 

Till someday, i able to feel the butterfly flies inside my tummy (again). How much? Million of it :)

So let's move to another story, a brand new day, a new you and me!

Just got this super dialog anyway. Yes this is just feelings.