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It's never been easy in the past year. The days are long. But then, today I feel like a year was so short!  You turning a year old is bittersweet. That sleepy little baby I had is long gone, replaced by the cutest, funniest little girl I know. I miss the little baby you once were, but I adore the wonderful little girl you are becoming now. Seeing you continuously growing, your milestones, it amazed me and I'm so thankful. I know we're all still works in progress, but when you've come so far—and grown so much—this year, and well I think that is incredible, and so worth struggling.  Soon you will be two, then three, and five and 10. And then, you'll be a teenager and an adult. Let us just keep growing together. Much as I want to hit pause and adore your smile, I am also eager to see the strong, wonderful, kind and loving human you will grow up to be. And to help you be all those things I promise that I'll help you, teach you and set you free to be you.  Happy birt...

Jadi beberapa minggu lalu, sedang pillow talk sama suami, aku tiba-tiba tanya pendapat suami tentang cerita seorang CEO cerai dengan istrinya setelah 10 tahun nikah, lalu menikah dengan baby sitter anak-anak dari istrinya tersebut. Ada pendapat bahwa mereka sempat selingkuh juga sebelum akhirnya menikah.   Aku: Menurut kamu apa sih yang bikin CEO itu (kalo bener) selingkuh? Istrinya cantik loh, suaranya bagus.. anaknya lucu-lucu...  Suami: karena ada kesempatan dan yaa itu masalah akhlak aja. Dia pasti tau kan kalau selingkuh itu salah satu bentuk ingkar janji saat ijab kabul. Ingkar janji itu dosa tapi masih dilakuin. Aku: Iya ya bener. Kamu kalo selingkuh juga inget ya, itu dosa. Melanggar janjinya ke Alloh loh berat banget.  Suami: Janjinya bukan ke Alloh. Tapi ke kamu. Allah saksinya.  That night just like at times, I was feeling grateful. How lucky I am to have him as my husband, as my imam. 

Selasa, 23 Maret 2021 Akhirnya memutuskan pergi ke klinik untuk cek tanda-tanda persalinan sehabis dzuhur. Sebenarnya kontraksi belum terlalu kuat, aku pun masih bisa jalan, cuma memang perut cenat cenut ditambah stres haha. Karena aku engga pernah merasakan nyeri saat mens seumur hidup, jadi dikasih kontraksi kecil aja udah meringis nangis-nangis.  Sampai di klinik langsung dicek pembukaan sama bidan jaga, ehh ternyata baru pembukaan 1. Kaget banget pas dicek pembukaan karena masyaallah itu rasanya sakit bangeeeet, sampai trauma engga mau lagi dicek pembukaan belum lagi membayangkan perjalanan masih panjang hingga pembukaan 10. Karena masih pembukaan 1 bidannya menyarankan untuk tunggu di rumah aja dulu. Akhirnya siang itu balik lagi ke rumah. Selama di rumah engga karuan banget meskipun masih bisa ngapa ngapain. Malemnya, kontraksi lebih kuat, akhirnya jam 9 malem ke klinik lagi.  Hasil cek pembukaan malem itu hasilnya ternyata udah pembukaan 2 ke 3. Bidan udah engga ngebole...

Because some life events just warrant something more than an Instagram caption, a Twitter thread and I guess this also does. My dear Binar,  if someday you read this post, please understand that I just want to let the world know that our amazing journey is worth to be kept in this portable platform, as the brain is also has limit to keep it as memory. So here is the story of beginning of your breath in this world, our struggle and our magical love action.  . Engga pernah menyangka akhirnya bisa ada di fase ini, jadi istri dan ibu dari Binar. Alhamdulillah rasa syukur tidak berhenti untuk Allah atas semua berkah di perjalanan pernikahan yang belum satu tahun ini. Kalau diingat-ingat lagi lucu rasanya pas tau hamil di usia pernikahan belum sebulan, suami pun gitu. "Kok cepet amat.." datar, happy engga sedih juga engga, lebih ke kaget dan khawatir karena dikasih secepet ini padahal belum nyiapin mental punya anak. Mentalnya baru disiapin buat honeymoon hahaha emang saat itu kit...

Hi you, how have you been up to? I hope you are feeling well today and forever.  You, who (at this point - hopefully forever) makes me feel that I will never regret my decision to choose you as my life partner. I know, you might be not reading my writing here but I just want to be sweeter this time by telling the world know how my feeling exactly to you, how precious you are in my life.  It just has been 9 month since our wedding, and my love for you start growing passionately as you are so loving and have sincere personality that I did not even notice when we were in boy-girl friends relationship back then. And right now, with our current living, we are apart by distance Bandung - Rangkasbitung, I feel that your presence successfully affected my life. Somehow I can't imagine how that a long distance marriage is existing. I just really can't. Being apart with you like this with only for a month is really exhausted, even though you never skipped a routine night calls and texts...